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Her brothers and sisters were like 10 years older and so on.

So her parents had been in WWII. And oh my god, the food. Her mom made stuff from scratch every night. And there was always too much, a thing I took advantage Brautiful forthwith.

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You know I enjoy a poop joke. Even as I write this, I am giggling like an idiot.

And apparently, my inner adult, which rears its head nonce, is Pat Nixon. She was so dignified, standing there while her husband did that weird peace sign thing. She was so coiffed. Oooo, that reminds me.

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Meanwhile, here I am, working for the man.

Technically, I work for the woman. I work for the largest woman-owned something-or-other in the South or east of the something or something like that.

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I can feel the knotty pine of her walls and the velvet of her couch. Did I lose it in the move? The thought of that panicked me.

Houseives dug through the peach linens and the yellow, the cream with baby-blue needlepoint napkins. I walked back to that garage probably five times, hoping another tub was hidden in the shadows. Finally, in utter desperation, I looked in the closets.

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Amara in Mapleton, Utah, is one of those people who sets a good table.

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Housfwives table always looks like a drunk person with stumps for hands set it while colorblind. I am the worst. That is so cute. My centerpiece is cat fur. Sure, okay, we all love Bernie Sanders, but where are you in this picture?

Will my hilarity never cease? And apparently, no, my hilarity WILL never cease.